Don’t let ’em say you ain’t beautiful oh
They can all get fucked, just stay true to you -Eminem
I had just accomplished a long cherished dream, a dream of running a marathon. Now there was a vacuum inside me, the kind of feeling you get when you know you’ve given it your all, and there’s nothing more left to give. If I have ever come across experiencing bliss, it was one of those such moments.
Fast forward a few days. The daily chaos of life has once again taken over my mind. With deadlines looming large, I feel as if I am starting to lose my equanimity once again. The nagging thoughts of how much more work needs to be done, how smart everyone around me apparently is, starts gnawing at my mental peace. I can sense the all familiar feeling of anxiety, knocking at my door once again.
I take a break. I get off my seat. In the hope of escaping the whirlwind of thoughts that have been going on in mind, I grab my phone. I log in to Facebook. Everyone seems to have a gala time in life. As I scan through my feed, all I can see is the pictures of ‘happy’ couples, the news of everyone galloping up the corporate ladder, and people making merry in some luxurious resort on the mountains.
Realizing the shallow displays that people seemed to be putting out to the world, I get disgusted. However, I still don’t feel good enough to handle my thoughts and so I decide to visit an old friend of escape, Mr. YouTube.
Now one of the best things about internet is, that you can watch Panda videos anytime, anywhere. So to escape my tumultuous thoughts, I join in with the pandas, as they relish their food.
Just then, the god damn YouTube’s Recommender System Algorithm decides to play spoilsport. A video flashes on my screen, “Why you will fail in life, if you don’t learn this…”.
Fuck you Google. Thanks for reminding me once again, about my deficiencies, when that’s exactly what I had been trying to escape for a few moments.
I throw my phone away. Here I was a few days after accomplishing one of the biggest goals of my life yet, feeling inadequate as ever !
Later that evening, I meet a friend over a cup of coffee. Soon we start recollecting fond memories of the past. With the cool wind blowing from the mountains, it felt as if it was carrying away with it, the burdens of my heavy heart. At last, I was beginning to feel light again.
On the ride back home, amidst the deserted streets, I find myself with my thoughts once again. This time I decide to put on different shoes. The shoes of an audience. The reel being played in front of me was the life I had lived, up to that point.
I was feeling as an 8 year old Vibhuti again, feeling the helplessness of an 8 year old me, during the numerous Asthama Attacks. I recollected, how weak I felt when I couldn’t run like other kids my age. The numerous weeks when I was unable to go to school. I recalled all those horrific nights, when I used to lie on bed, gasping for breath, thinking that I won’t survive.
I asked myself, “If that 8 year old Vibhuti would look at this grown up Vibhuti, knowing the obstacles he had to overcome to get to this point, would he admire him ?”. The answer came straight back ,”Hell Yeah!”. I smiled and continued with the ride ahead.
“If you are willing, every moment of your life can be a fantastic experience. Just inhalation and exhalation can be tremendous love affair” – Sadhguru
Taking Charge of the Experience
In life, we get so caught up in the daily hurly-burly, that we forget to look at the big picture. If we truly want to be happy, we need to take control of our experience. Not the outcome, but the experience.
The internet has made us so hyper connected that we get lost in the crowd. We forget to take charge of the only thing that’s actually in our control, our individual experiences in life. These days, all we care about is the outcome. If you score a 90, you have earned bragging rights. Anything below that and you are a loser ! If you have 6 pack abs, you are the king, anything lesser and you’ll be laughed at ! Fuck it ! We need to take the reins of our experience of life, from the society .
Dr. Lindsay Tulchin, PhD, describes mental rut as “a negative spiral of thoughts about yourself and your future that lead to avoidance of either actions that you know will help you feel better or actions that will help steer you in the right direction.” We all have been there at some point or another, in our lives. Now the question arises, how does taking charge of our life experiences, help us come out of the cycle of negative thoughts, also called, the mental rut, which we may fall prey to?
The Domino Effect
The Domino Effect states that when you make a change to one behavior it will activate a chain reaction and cause a shift in related behaviors as well. This effect can be applied in both positive and negative ways. It simply says that one small spark may lead to a chain reaction of similar events. To know more about this effect, I would encourage you to read this amazing article on how to create a chain reaction of good habits.
Life never provides a level playing field. We all have been handed out our set of challenges. Whenever we find ourselves in the middle of self sabotaging thoughts, in the middle of mental rut, it’s important to keep in mind where you have come from. The obstacles you have had to overcome up to that point. For example, people coming from rural India, often face problems in conversing fluently in English. As a result, they find it tougher to crack the interviews of multi national companies. Similarly, a person who may be waging mental battles, may have scored 60% yet his achievement is by no means less compared to someone who scored a 90.
Whenever we feel overwhelmed by negative thoughts, we should just zoom out and look from where we started. Recall the positive victories, no matter how ‘small’. Even something like your past experience of overcoming self doubt to ask the girl which you had a crush on, in high school, will do.
The key is to control the experience. Replay ‘that winning feeling’ in your head, as minutely as possible. Recall those feelings in as much detail as possible. This will result in the release of feel good chemicals in your body called Endorphins. Then thanks to domino effect, a stream of positive thoughts will start in your head and you’ll start feeling strong again.
If you found the article helpful, please let me know in the comments below. Also share it with your friends, who may need it ! Shivoham Shivoham 🙂
Bhai you are real motivators I cherished every moment’s I spent with you.
Keep rocking bro any support I am alwz dere for you. In this Nobel deed.
Thanks Bro !