“For him who has conquered the mind, the mind is the best of friends; but for one who has failed to do so, his very mind will be the greatest enemy.”
-Bhagavad Gita, Chapter 6 Verse 6
Post COVID 19 era has been unsettling for all people, around the world. Apart from the large number of casualty counts, the uncertainties induced by the pandemic has exacerbated the mental distress in every person (perhaps, apart from the enlightened few). Interestingly, studies have found that students and health care professionals to be the ones, whose mental health has been the worst affected due to the pandemic. In this article and the next series of articles, we’ll talk extensively about anxiety from a personal as well as scientific standpoint. We will also discuss various coping strategies that you can employ, when dealing with pangs of anxiety.
My experience with anxiety
My interest in researching about anxiety was a result of my personal encounter with anxiety. I was a graduate student and my thesis submission was due. Like most students around the world, ever since the onset of the pandemic, we were forced to pursue our academic endeavors, from the confines of our homes. My research work had gone astray, due to a lack of right direction. I knew the only way for me to submit my thesis on time was to seek counsel from my research advisor. So I pick up the phone and choose his contact on the dialing list.
However, before selecting the call button, I decide to re assess my answers to all the possible questions that he would be throwing at me. And soon, my mind goes into overdrive, imagining all the worst possible scenarios that could happen, of all the rebukes I would have to face if I call my advisor. It was as if, these negative thoughts had gotten hold of my reality. My heart rate shot up, I started to feel the shortness of breath. The mere thought of calling my advisor, had changed my body’s physiology ! Therefore, I tell myself, “If a mere thought of calling him can result in such a terrible experience, imagine how much worse the experience of calling him, will turn out to be.” Soon, I postpone this seemingly arduous task and choose peace instead.
Over the course of my life, I have had some painful conversations over a phone call. As a result, over time I developed telephobia, also called phone anxiety. Telephobia is a condition of fear and avoidance of conversations over a phone call. I am not afraid of social gatherings or addressing a large number of audience, but making or receiving phone calls, somehow makes me very uncomfortable
The ordeal of mustering up enough courage to make a phone call to my research advisor continued for a few months. Before start of a new week I would pump myself up to make the phone call, but at the hour of reckoning, I would develop cold feet. The deadline of thesis submission was drawing closer and closer. The closer the deadline approached, the more my fears accentuated. Soon, the fear of impending doom, took over my mental peace and started affecting my other areas of life. Soon my apprehension made it very tough for me to sit at one place and focus for more than a few minutes, which made it impossible to for me to do anything that required mental focus.
According to Vedas, one feels anxious when his ego feels threatened. In order to address the threat, the fight or flight mechanism is activated in the body. This feeling of anxiety, was quite new to me. I had never felt anxiety to this extent before. As a result of not knowing how to handle this anxiety any better, I chose to flee, so as to protect my endangered ego. I went into a shell. I stopped responding to calls, texts, mails even from my friends. Also, the guilt of me not being able to fulfill my work related duties, kept gnawing at me.
Soon the D-Day came and went by. As expected, I couldn’t turn up my thesis on time. My fate was sealed, I had flunked the semester. Surprisingly though, I felt relieved on seeing uncertainty making way for certainty. I felt the much needed calm after a prolonged storm. With failure comes the lightness of starting all over again. And since I still loved what I did, I had no qualms of getting to work on my research problem for some more time. Till the time I learn my lessons and don’t repeat the same mistakes again, failure was fine by me.
Therefore I started building myself back again, one baby step at a time, towards the direction I feared most. Since I feared calling my advisor, I mailed him instead and explained him my situation by being brutally honest about it. He treated me with empathy and support. More importantly it made me realize the perils of anxiety and motivated me to conduct my personal research on various tools that we can employ to deal with anxiety effectively.
It’s okay to have anxiety if you are human !
When I opened up about my afore mentioned story to my friends, some were very supportive while some admonished me for showing weakness. The latter reaction by my friends was shocking and quite agonizing to me. But it also reflects the long prevalent notion about anxiety and mental health, in our society. We have been brought up to believe that anxiety is weakness. Therefore, it shouldn’t be talked about. Whereas, according to large population-based studies, up to 33.7% of the population are affected by an anxiety disorder during their lifetime. Studies also conclude that substantial under recognition and undertreatment of these disorders have been demonstrated.
My hope behind penning this article was that by reading this article, we can start being more open about anxiety and other mental health issues in general . Suffering is something that is an inherent part of having a human experience. Therefore rather than acting high and mighty all the time, the world would be a better place if we develop compassion towards the vulnerabilities of ourselves and others, so that we can come together and build each others up !
How has your experience with anxiety been ? How do you cope with it ? I would love to know in the comments below.
If you liked this article, you will also like : How mindset massively affects your life !
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